The Asian American community is hurting, and we need each other more than ever.

By Sandhya Oaks

his year, I have faced pain head on. I have tended to my own aching heart as I processed racial trauma, and I have tended to the hearts of many others who are hurting, lamenting, and bleeding as a result of their own trauma.

In the last week of February, I heard story after story of the trauma to the Asian American community because of the racialized names used for COVID-19. I remember pacing around my living room, my heart racing as I sensed what was to come was going to be terrible. I had a pit in my stomach because I knew the pain of my Asian American brothers and sisters was only beginning.

We as an Asian American Christian community are in need of deep healing and care for our souls. The pain and xenophobia that have resulted from the insidious label “Chinese virus” have left us wounded, afraid, and traumatized.

We can’t heal on our own. Shame researcher and author Brené Brown says, “What is broken in relationship can only be healed in relationship.” Relationships are key to healing and connection. We need relationships now more than ever.

God created us with the intention of being in community. At the beginning, God said it was not good for us to be alone (Genesis 2:18). So he gave us relationships--with him and each other. We were made to stay connected in the good, the bad, and everything in between.

Sometimes we forsake fellowship with others because we seek to live independently, following the false narratives of “I can do it on my own” or “I don’t want to inconvenience someone else.” We have been taught to be hard workers, to be strong and independent. But this hasn’t served us well in all circumstances.

Many Asian cultures encourage us not to share emotions. This is a hindrance in building relationships, where we must allow ourselves to be known. As theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community:

Let him who cannot be alone beware of community... Let him who is not in community beware of being alone... Each by itself has profound perils and pitfalls. One who wants fellowship without solitude plunges into the void of words and feelings, and the one who seeks solitude without fellowship perishes in the abyss of vanity, self-infatuation and despair.

We need to re-narrate our need for relationships and grow our capacity for connection. Our collective history has encouraged us to stay quiet, be grateful, and not disrupt. We can then lose our voice and live in isolation.

With the coronavirus and its association as “the Chinese virus,” some Americans began to feel fear, anger, and rage--which led them to inflict physical and verbal abuse on the AAPI community.

We must not let the darkness win but instead seek the light, take a risk, and move toward community. When we do so, we battle contempt and shame. Light wins.

I want to invite you to notice, be curious, and gaze at the landscape of your relationships. Who is currently walking with you? Who are you able to give love, acceptance, and care to, and receive the same from? Who is missing that you need to ask into your journey?

Think of names in each of the following categories of who already is and who needs to be walking with you right now.

Family
Those who share the same season of life with me
Those who live in my town
Those I have known longer than one year
Those who share the same faith beliefs as me
Those who are a season or more ahead of me on their journey
Those who look like me
Those who don’t look like me
Those I work with

As you look at this list, are there categories that aren’t being fulfilled? Where do you see gaps? What is one step you could take this week to move toward someone? You could write an introduction in a direct message or send an email, letting someone know you are interested in connecting with them.

Do you need to seek out mentors, spiritual guides, or mental health professionals to grow, be nourished, and find care? I have had people from each of these categories walk with me in different seasons. When I have wanted guidance and encouragement, I have sought mentors and spiritual guides. When I have been in seasons of deep pain and trauma, I have sought professional mental health.

I recently sat with a newly graduated Asian American woman who asked me how to find a counselor and start the process. After listening to her, I told her that the process requires perseverance and trust, but it is worth it to stick with it. These relationships are not meant to fulfill us and make us perfect, but rather be guides and caring support as you journey through various seasons where we aren’t meant to walk alone.

Keep in mind that you may be that person for someone else--that friend, mentor, or guide that someone else needs during this difficult time.

I want to assure you that, as an Asian American, you bring wonderful gifts and contributions to your relationships. Your culture and background mirror and reflect the Lord and his character. We see this in the focus on and value for family and food, on gathering together around the table and welcoming others into our homes.

During a global pandemic, this is not feasible. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (NIV).

Consider how we can meet together and stay connected this season. Perhaps you could invite your community to gather on Zoom during a meal to enjoy fellowship around the table. Or you could have a movie night where you and your friends watch the same movie (like Crazy Rich Asians or Lion) but in the comfort of your own homes. There are creative ways to maintain and grow our relationships during this wild time.

Even while we social distance, we must “not give up meeting together.” Community will keep us moving forward and united in a time when there is so much division. It is okay to have varying opinions and beliefs. However, we shouldn’t stop engaging with people who don’t agree with us.

We can engage and live in community with those who don’t mirror our viewpoints by honoring the human life and personhood of the other with kindness and care. It is a beautiful thing to hold honor and dignity for someone even when we don’t agree with them. It isn’t easy, but it is possible.

When we place ourselves in Christ-centered community, we can flourish even when the world is in such chaos. Community gives us the opportunity to be connected, seen, heard, and unified. It gives us a place to contribute goodness to this world and others. May we have clarity as we evaluate who is walking with us and who we need to invite on our journey.

Additional Resources

Allender Center Podcast, “Attachment and Relationships Part One,” February 14, 2020
The Arise Podcast, “Back to school encouragement on family, community and schooling,” Season 2, Episode 1
Hidden Brain Podcast, “A Social Prescription with Vivek H. Murthy, MD,” April 20, 2020
Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by Vivek H. Murthy, MD

Photo by Papaioannou Kostas on Unsplash

Sandhya Oaks is a passionate speaker, advocate, writer, and reconciliation leader. She was born in India, and adopted as a transracial adoptee in Wisconsin. Sandhya has been on staff with Cru for 12 years and also serves with the Lenses Institute. She holds a Certificate in Resilient Service from The Seattle School and is the Co-Founder of The Adoption Tria. Sandhya is fiercely committed to developing the next generation of leaders and learning and teaching about cultural identity.