By Editorial
P
arents face greater challenges than ever to raise their children as society continues to evolve technologically, teen mental health concerns increase, and news of gun violence appears endless. In response to these complex challenges, the Asian American Christian Collaborative (AACC) hosted the Parenting Conference Series in Orange County, CA to equip parents to nurture their children and teens wisely in this increasingly tumultuous age.
The Parenting Conference Series covered the topics “Wisdom for Parenting in the Digital Age,” “Mental Health and Well-being for Teens and Children,” and “Parenting in an Age of Increasing Harm and Violence.” Each conference included insightful and practical sessions led by notable experts, such as Dr. Felicia Wu Song, Dr. Mijin Park, Dr. David Wang, Ying Ying Shiue, Dr. Soong Chan Rah, and AACC president Raymond Chang.
We interviewed the conference organizers, Kathy Rim and Phyllis Myung, to get their perspectives on why a parenting conference is needed, why it matters, and how we can all benefit from this series. Phyllis Myung serves as the Director of Engagement for AACC, and Kathy Rim serves as the Special Projects Manager for AACC.
As one of the first conference series ever hosted by AACC, why did you feel it was important to organize a “parenting” conference?
Kathy: As a parent of two young children, my greatest fear is the unknown. I just don’t know what I don’t know. What always helps me feel less anxious about how to navigate all the challenges of parenting is to seek knowledge and wisdom from those who know more or have gone before me. I imagined that other parents might be feeling the same as I was feeling and have the same questions I was asking: How are social media and devices shaping my kids’ social and emotional development? How do I build resilient, emotionally healthy children? How can I help my kids feel safe in an unsafe world?
Finding answers to these questions and more is why we organized a conference solely focused on equipping and empowering Christian parents. We gathered an incredible slate of Christian mental health experts, academics, professors, and pastors to share their unique expertise so parents could get the advice, tools, and biblically based encouragement they need to forge ahead with confidence, even in the face of endless uncertainty.
Phyllis: Being a parent in this day and age has been really challenging. Nobody had a handbook on parenting in the first place, but then we had to parent through unprecedented times. It’s so difficult to know, then, how do I parent in the ways that God would want me to?
Although I grew up going to church, I don’t know if my immigrant parents or generations before knew how God fit into the picture of parenting. We sometimes silo our faith and the rest of our lives, and I found myself doing that as a parent. I wanted to make sure that I was able to help my child carry on with faith, especially because for me, faith was a huge factor in my resiliency. Being able to gather and work with a diverse group of leaders and speakers helped to build a bridge to that intersection of faith and parenting in meaningful ways.
In what ways is this conference series beneficial for both parents and non-parents?
Kathy: There’s a common adage that says it takes a whole village to raise a child. This is especially true in households and families with multiple generations living under one roof or when you have in-laws or grandparents helping care for their grandchildren while the parents work. So a lot of grandparents would say, “My kids are grown already;” or aunties and uncles who don’t have kids of their own might say, “I don’t think this conference is for me.” But in reality, they are part of the larger familial village that is helping to build up the next generation. If you are part of a family unit of any kind, there is wisdom to be gleaned from the series.
Moreover, the issues tackled by the speakers are big ones: how to live a life that God designed us to live in a digitally saturated world, how to care for our own personal mental health so that we can serve as models for others in our family, and how to navigate public spaces with less fear when it increasingly seems like every corner we turn could result in an act of harassment or unprovoked violence. Many seasoned parents will tell you that a lot of parenting is about modeling for our own kids the behaviors we want them to practice themselves.
So whether you are a parent or not, as an adult who might have influence in young people’s lives, it is so incredibly important for us to develop healthy coping mechanisms in the face of challenges or fear, and to exhibit healthy boundaries with our own tech habits so that the next generation has real-life examples to emulate in their own lives.
Phyllis: Working in children and youth ministry for so long, I have realized that there isn’t just one person that influences the faith of a child—it takes everyone. As a pastor, I often get to ask congregations during baptisms and dedications if they will be responsible for and journey along with parents in the spiritual journeys of the children that are being dedicated or baptized. Every time, I hear a resounding, “We will.” But as we live out our lives as a faith community, that sometimes gets lost in translation.
Whether or not you have a child, you are part of a community—of which children are a vital part of—and YOU make an impact on their lives. I know that’s true for my own child; especially now that they are a teen, I see that even more. When they can’t go to mom and dad, who are the caring adults that they can turn to? Who are the people that they can share their struggles with or ask questions to? I hope to have a whole faith community full of people that they can go to. Our next generation is now, and together, we can make a meaningful impact for this generation and the generations to come.
What moments at the conference were particularly impactful for you and why?
Kathy: There were so many illuminating lightbulb moments for me personally—too many to name here—but a few that stuck out just in the first conference “Wisdom for Parenting in the Digital Age” are Dr. Felicia Wu Song’s recommendation to try “monotasking” (doing one task at a time and being fully present in that one task only) as a way to combat the culture that endlessly strives to be productive in every waking hour. Monotasking also helps to quiet our racing minds and makes much needed space for hearing God.
Dr. Mijin Park connected critical dots for us regarding American psychologist B.F. Skinner’s strategy of a variable reward system that current social media app developers use to draw in and keep users coming back for more on their social media platforms. One way to harness this is to implement a similar strategy in our own parenting toolkit to effectively produce desirable behaviors and outcomes in our own children. Both of these takeaways were incredibly powerful and it was advice that I was able to implement immediately. So those are just two golden nuggets, but all the speakers were full of insight and paradigm-shifting perspectives that I know will resonate with so many people in different ways.
Phyllis: If I had to choose a few moments, I would have to go with our second conference “Mental Health and Well-Being for Teens and Children.” It’s a topic that we don’t talk much about at church, so the fact that a whole conference was dedicated to this was impactful. Our children are in a mental health epidemic, and being able to hear from mental health experts about how to help our kids take care of their mental health was important.
I grew up in a faith community where there was a lot of stigma and shame around topics of mental health, so being able to normalize these conversations has been incredibly helpful. Knowing more about the mental health process helped me to understand what is available to my child and also helped me to know where to go for resources. Being able to also acknowledge and talk about the collective trauma of living through a pandemic was also impactful and helped me to see that we, as faith communities, can really help to process, heal, and provide spaces to care for well-being and mental health.
I would also include the final conference of our parenting series “Parenting in an Age of Increasing Harm and Violence.” This is also a topic that we don’t talk much about in faith communities, but it is a real topic that is making an impact on our kids today. How can we help our kids to feel safe? The most impactful moment of this final conference was the fact that we all gathered together to talk about this, even though I know how difficult it was.
What are some key takeaways you hope those who attended the conference would leave with?
Kathy: The necessity and value of parenting in community. Many parents are going through the same thing but not everyone talks about it, so parenting feels isolating at times. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and to run the race well we need to run with a pack. It all goes back to the idea of the village again. One person cannot be everything to their child so that’s why we need community. We need to lean on each other and to be open to being vulnerable as a first step in growing in our journey as parents.
Hearing some of the challenges that others raised in the Q&A portions of the talks helped many parents feel less alone in their private struggles at home. It made them realize, “Hey, I struggle with that too and I thought I was the only one,” or “I have that same issue but I’ve never tried that strategy to address it before!” If we don’t share our struggles, we can’t overcome them and hearing speakers who are naming them, not shaming them, was in and of itself a powerful experience that affirms our sense of shared humanity as imperfect people. Thankfully, God designed us to thrive within a vibrant and loving community in which we can share our hopes, fears, and burdens with each other and God so that we can live out the exhortations to parents in Deuteronomy 6.
Phyllis: I would echo what Kathy stated as her one takeaway. We live in increasingly isolating times, and I want those who attended to know that they are not alone. We are journeying in this together and it really does take a village. With humility and grace, I hope that those who attended this series of conferences will know that there is a whole community of people that they can reach out to. God created us for community and for us to learn from each other. My hope is that in this, we can grow to love each other in these deep ways as we walk together in the hills and valleys that come with parenting.
How has this conferenced informed you as an Asian American parent? And vice versa, how has being an Asian American parent informed your approach to this conference?
Kathy: There are plenty of resources out there that cater to a Christian parent audience, and I’ve attended some workshops that exclusively speak to issues regarding the AAPI community, particularly how to cope with and respond to rising anti-Asian hate and violence. But I have never attended a conference specifically designed to speak to the needs and concerns that pertain to me as an Asian American Christian parent. This was the most unique feature of the conference series, and it was so refreshing to have our experiences as Asian American Christians centered in the conversations.
The speakers helped me see how my racial identity and my Christian identity are intertwined and can be used as a tool of empowerment in my parenting rather than a deficit. The conference series provided a much needed merging of my cultural identity and Christian values in one space. And this series, given the time constraints, just scratched the surface of these critically important topics. I hope this is the start of more education and support for Asian American Christian parents that can carry them through the entire span of their parenting journey.
Phyllis: There are so many complex layers to being an Asian American parent, aren’t there? We have to contend with cultural expectations and a really different way of being raised as children ourselves, among many other things. Being able to hear from Asian American speakers and having a conversation centered around the Asian American Christian parenting perspective was extremely helpful.
This series of conferences was designed with the Asian American Christian in mind—as a whole self. We were able to come together with our unique experiences and also relate to one another in the commonalities of our experiences. It also allowed for the Asian American Christian parent to be seen and heard. I hope that we can help one another to continue in this God-given unique identity and that we can pass that on to the next generation as well.
All the sessions from the conference series are now available on YouTube.
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