So, I began to wrestle.
How do I honor the Lord
and also honor my parents?
How do I repay their sacrifices
while also honoring the sacrifice my Savior made for me?
“You’ll bring honor to us all.”
“Honor your father and mother.”

Father's PNEUMA is a very personal project for me. It was my attempt to reflect and process the devastating effects of Pulmonary Fibrosis - a debilitating lung disease that is taking my father's life. Through this piece, I explore the heart-wrenching journey of watching a loved one's gradual loss of breath and the overwhelming helplessness of such a condition.

How does one live faithfully to Jesus when you cannot stand your parents and do not know how to turn the ship around? We all come from varying degrees of conflict in our families of origin. It is my hope that my story can show a potential way forward and most importantly give Asian Americans permission to wrestle with the hardships of family relationships without shame.

In traditional Asian culture, and certainly in the Indian culture that I grew up in, honor is relational, communal, and duty-based. Our vocations, careers, lifestyles, and decisions in life may be scrutinized through an honor-based lens. While the Western society that many of us grow up in places great importance on self-expression and chosen respect, Asian honor translates to sacrifice, family reputation, loyalty, and obedience.

Our cultural heritage matters to God. Within our cultural heritage there are things we can learn about God. As Asian Christians we’re rarely told this. Perhaps we’re more often told that God wants us to set aside parts of our cultural heritage in the name of following Jesus.

But after this time of immobility, I've slowly come to realize that what I've received from my mother—my inheritance—is much greater than any sum of money: My very flesh, my whole life, was a gift from her.

Just as Jesus came as a baby approximately 2025 years ago to fulfill the hope of deliverance and reconciliation with God, there is a promise of a second coming of deliverance where all things will be once again made new. We must remember that this story of waiting is not a story of passive resignation or hardened indifference, or a fatalistic belief that nothing will change the trajectory of this cruel world’s demise. The story of redemption is not one of instant resolution, but of patient faith. And just because we cannot see what is to come does not mean we do not wait in anticipation and long-suffering for the story yet to be unraveled.